


When I knew

by Chaucer



Category: Pretty Little Liars
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-20
Updated: 2015-10-20
Packaged: 2018-04-27 06:56:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5038264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaucer/pseuds/Chaucer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My first ever piece of creative writing for a very long time.  It deals with the moment that Alison confesses to Emily that she loves her and why.  I don't think that I can write smut, so there isn't any in this, just, I hope, emotion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When I knew

**Author's Note:**

  * For [The emison fandom](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=The+emison+fandom).



“That moment Em, that moment when I leaned in to kiss you and you refused me, when you stood up and walked across the room, when you said “that won’t fix this” – thinking back, that ‘s when I realized that I loved you.  
“Oh Ali”  
“Wait, I have to tell you this, you have been the one constant in my life, the rock that I have clung to. I feel like I opened Pandora’s box, and all the horrors of the world were unleashed on me, but you were “Hope”, you were the beautiful moth that soothed my wounds and gave me comfort. You were the reason that I came back, I needed hope”  
When you pushed me away, I was devastated, I guess I’m not used to having people push me away when I want to kiss them, when I want to hold them, when I want to say I’m sorry. I’ve never felt that small, so unwanted, I hate it Em, I don’t want you to feel that way about me. I…, I want you to love me.  
When we were younger, it used to be me that pushed you away; you made me feel vulnerable, I didn’t understand my feelings. I don’t think that I cared how I hurt you, I only knew that I needed you to want me. Now, I don’t want you to want me because you can’t have me, I want you to want me because I want you.  
I’ve changed, I’ve changed so much. I’m not that girl any more. Like I told Hanna, Prison changed me, I had a lot of time to think, to come to terms with my feelings. The thought of spending a lifetime away from you, I couldn’t bear it. Em, I love you. I love you with all my heart. There, I’ve said it.”  
Alison looked down, her body trembling from spent emotion, trembling with fear, fear that Emily would say that it was all too late, that she had hurt Emily too much, that Emily had found someone else.  
“Oh Ali,” Emily began, “I don’t know what to say,”  
“Say you love me, say you forgive me.”  
I, I’ve always loved you, how could I not? When you showed me the real you, that is who I loved, that is who I love. I’m sorry that I doubted you, but your lies, they hurt me so much, much more than the times when you rebuffed me. You can’t know what it was like Ali, you can’t know what is was like to see you again, to hold you in my arms, to think that you wanted me, and then your lies. All I ever wanted was you to be truthful, and then we thought you had betrayed us, and we were wrong, we were so wrong, it should be me asking for forgiveness,  
Emily’s eyes prickled, watering, she stood looking at Ali, Ali was still looking at the floor, she had looked up at Emily, full of hope at her declaration of love, and then cast them down again at the mention of her lies. The distance between them felt like a crevasse, but their words had bridged the precarious gap. Emily took a hesitant step forward. Ali looked up at her movement and brushed a tear from her eye, then she just rushed forward, throwing her arms round Emily, pressing her head against Emily’s chest. Emily could feel Ali’s forehead bruising her collar bone, her hair soft against her face, she could smell Ali’s scent, vanilla, god she loved that smell,  
“Ali, look at me, I love you. Here,” she bent her head closer to Ali’s ,” Ali, kiss me”.


End file.
